tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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