If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
