My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
