Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
