I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
