can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
