Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
