His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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