We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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