That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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