there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this must be what syphilis tastes like
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
