some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
