I bet he comes in French.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
