Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
