I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
