My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
