WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
