Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
