She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
