all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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