Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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