I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
