Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
is wine microwaveable?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
