We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
