I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
