we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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