yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
