Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want nice things and good sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
