If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
