Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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