you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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