my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
