I wish i was in the wii world.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
