note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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