Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
