She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
