Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
