im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
