so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
