i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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