I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
