new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
