i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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