But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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