actually, I'm a sock model
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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