Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
