I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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