I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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