Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
