i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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